It was September 11, 2001 when terrorist attacked the United States, an ordinary day which became shocking and unforgettable, a day which turns into a sad story. A total of 19 terrorist hijacked four planes on 9/11. The two planes were flown into two sky scrapers of New York’s World Trade Center. The impact caused the building to catch fire and collapse. The other plane destroyed part of the Pentagon in Arlington, Virginia. The fourth plane crashed in Shanksville, Pennsylvania. Officials of United States believe that the terrorist on the plane intended to destroy the White House or the U.S. Capitol. Passengers on the plane fought the terrorist and prevented them from reaching their goal. In all, nearly 3,000 people died during the 911 attack.
I am one of the people who are convinced that there are 5 basic love languages and 5 ways to express love emotionally. Each individual has a primary love language. Which one is applicable to you?
Okay, let’s start.
They say action speaks louder than words. Well, not always. If you have this kind of love language, unsolicited compliment mean the world to you. Hearing the words like “I love you,” are important. Hearing the reason behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insult can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Verbal compliment or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of love.
Encouraging words: “Encourage” means “to inspire courage”. All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, which often hinder us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do. Perhaps, you or your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting encouraging words from you or from him.
Kind words: If we’re to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. That has to do with the way we speak. The statement “I love you”, when said with kindness and tenderness, can be a genuine expression of love.
Humble words: Love makes requests, not demands. In marriage we’re equal partners. If we’re to develop an intimate relationship, we need to know each other’s desires. If we make our needs known in the form of a request, we’re giving guidance, not ultimatums.
Note: If this is the love language of your partner, set a goal to give your partner a different compliment each day.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you”, like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby –makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or failure to listen can be hurtful.
This means giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television together. What I mean is taking a walk, just the two of you, or going out to eat and looking at each other while talking. Time is a strong communicator of love. The love language of quality time has many dialects. One of the most common is that of quality conversation – two individuals sharing their thoughts and feelings. A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s desires. We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a condescending manner.
Here are some practical listening tips:
- Maintain eye contact when your partner is talking to you
- Don’t do something else at the same time
- Listen for feelings and confirm them.
- Observe body language.
- Refuse to interrupt.
Note: If this is the love language of your partner: Ask him/her for a list of five activities that he’d enjoy doing with you. Make plans to do one of them each month for the next five months.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. The receiver of the gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous –so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving, visible symbol of love, speaks the loudest. A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he is thinking of me”, or, “She remembered me.” A gift is a symbol of thought. Gift comes in all sizes, colors, and shapes. Some are expensive and others are free. To the individual whose primary love language is receiving gifts, the cost will matter little. There is also an intangible gift that can speak more loudly than something that can be held in one’s hand. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give. Your body becomes the symbol of love.
Note: If this is your partner’s love language: Keep a “gift idea” notebook. Every time you hear your spouse say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you feel comfortable purchasing, making or finding, and don’t wait for a special occasion. Becoming a proficient gift giver is an easy language to learn.
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
People who speak this love language seek to please their partners by serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for them. Actions such as cooking a meal, setting a table, washing the dishes, sorting the bills, walking the dog or dealing with landlords are all acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they are indeed expressions of love. I’m not saying become a doormat to your partner and do these things out of guilt or resentment. No person should ever be a doormat. Do these things as a lover.
Note: If this is your partner’s love language: What one act of service has your spouse nagged you about consistently? Why not decide to see the nag as a tag? Your spouse is tagging this particular task as a really important thing to him or her.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Holding hands, kissing, hugging and sex – all of these are lifelines for the person for whom physical touch is the primary love language. With it, they feel secure in their partner’s love. “Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do require a little thought, especially if this isn’t your primary love language or you didn’t grow up in a “touching” family. Sitting close to each other as you watch TV requires no additional time, but communicates your love loudly. Touching each other when you leave the house and when you return may involve only a brief kiss, but speaks volumes.
Note: If this is your partner’s love language: While eating together let your knee or foot drifts over and touches your partner.
For an addict to fully understand his situation and the harm it is causing, he must begin in an intervention rehab program where the intervention professional will talk to the person in a respectful, gentle and non-judgmental way. Once it is successful, it will be a big help to a person to understand the negative effect of drug and will be willing and able to see that they are already hurting the people around them and accept the needed treatment for him to recover.
Intervention Rehab Program is not just confronting someone with his drug abuse. There is much more than that. One of the most important factors in these services is the presence of a drug interventionist who is trained in drug intervention and drug addiction treatments. This is a crucial element, because drug-involved individuals may not be willing to listen to anyone even their close family members and tend to see their friends as their basis leading them to believe that their own thoughts activities are just okay.
How do you know if someone needs an Intervention?
Basically, you will know that a person needs an Intervention Rehab Program when you notice the following:
- Sudden loss or gain of weight
Other drugs can make you gain weight and some will make you skinny. E.g. Marijuana use gives a feeling of hunger to the user leading to often eating. While the lack of eating when their high on meth makes an individual skinny.
- Poor personal hygiene
He does not care or have no idea that he already has a bad odor. Forgets to brush his teeth and take a bath.
- Fights with friends and family members
A person is likely to make an issue out of everything leading to fights and misunderstandings.
- Withdrawal from family functions.
Forgetting your responsibilities. Like for example you are the head of the family and you are neglecting your function and stop providing the needs of the family.
- Allegations of petty crimes
Stealing, bullying, killing because of hallucinations, suicide attempts
- Denial of drug and/or alcohol use
It is common for addicts to deny that drugs are the source of the difficulties they face. They may instead blame other people or circumstances in their lives.
Untruthful accounts of their whereabouts
Needs to consider when having an intervention rehab program:
- Meet with friends and family members, but do not include the patient first
Do not include children. In this step, you need to discuss with the group the facts of what the patient is experiencing. Try not to be repetitive. Discuss how you believe the patient will react, and anticipate how you will address denials, tears, anger and so forth.
- Meet with a professional counselor or therapist before the intervention
With the help of a counselor, you have to consult about what are the dos and don’ts.
- Discuss treatment options with the therapist
Choose a facility in advance, and contact that facility to discuss your plan.
- Choose a private location
Make sure there will be no disruptions, including gadgets. All should be in present before the patient arrives.
- When the patient arrives, speak calmly
Do not blame or criticize the person involve. Just let him know that all of you are there for him.
- Ask the patient to confirm there is a problem
Listen to him, if he denies the problem, consult one of the group and ask for evidence. But never make him feel that he is a bad person
- Offer immediate treatment, and explain the details about the facility you have arranged
For sure, the patient will deny that he is not in need of a treatment. But you still have to prepare in advance. It will be hard but the counselor is there for guidance.
- Close the conference on a positive message
Tell the patient that you care for him.
Note: This was also posted at http://todayaddictiontreatment.com/finding-the-right-intervention-program-for-you/
Love is a four letter word, but so hard to define. Well, it depends on the person. However, even if we want to, we cannot ask someone to forcefully love us. Love is a force of nature. We cannot command, demand, or take away love. How can we command the moon and the stars and the wind and the rain to come and go? We just cannot control it, but there are times that we may have the limited ability to change the weather. But we do so at the risk of upsetting an ecological balance we don’t fully understand. Just like love, we can go to courtship, or stage of seduction, but at the end of each day, we still don’t have the control.
Love is bigger than any individual. Yes, anyone can invite love, but they cannot dictate how, when, and where love expresses itself. An individual can choose to surrender to love, or not, but in the end love strikes like a lightning, unpredictable and irrefutable and a person can also find themselves being in love with a person they don’t even like.
But the question, have you ever felt love or do you still believe in love? To be honest, I just broke up with my partner. We’ve ended our relationship for almost 3 weeks now. But that’s not the problem. The problem is that, there was a time when I was at work, when suddenly my workmate told me that her friend is looking for a date. Out of excitement, I said yes. And I asked him her number. Without hesitation, he gave me her number. After a few days we started calling and texting each other. Without even meeting her, at that moment I felt special. After days of continually texting, we have decided to see each other.
I could still remember it was a beautiful Monday morning when we decided to meet but unfortunately she brought along my officemate, her friend. Too bad, we didn’t have much time being alone together. But, it’s okay. At least, I got the chance to see her in person. We guys decided to see each other at 10 in the morning in a fast food chain near our office. I was 20 minutes early because I’m so excited to see her. I was filled with emotions, I was happy, I was nervous, and things like that. When she and my officemate arrived at our meeting place, I finally saw her. Aw man, she’s so cute.
After that we decided to go to the park and have a picnic. So we went to a convenience store to buy the stuffs that we needed. At the park, after setting up the tent and everything, we started talking. She started talking about her life, career, and plans. I was inspired by her story. She is a very independent lady. By the way, she is a teacher in a private school near their place, a grade school teacher to be specific. She told me her plans with dignity and she told me that she wanted to be a principal someday. At this moment, she is taking her master’s degree and she’s paying for her tuition while she’s sending her brother in school. How amazing, right?
After having our picnic in the park, we decided to go to my officemate’s place. She decided to cook for us. Yes, she can cook. After eating, we went to the mall and we decided to take a lot of pictures. We started to be sweet. Good thing my officemate came along with us because all the time he was the one taking the pictures.
After that I initiate to drive them home. Her place is 2 hours away from my home. On our way, we started to take a lot of pictures again. We were so happy that time. There is no dull moment. We even dropped by to different places to take pictures. We were like couple that time. When we were half way to her place, it started to rain. I mean it was perfect, even the song on the radio was perfect. So I started to hold her hand, and she held mine back. She even told me that she can’t breathe. It was funny because we were hiding our hands from our friend. But then our friend caught us and told us “what’s happening?” then both of us laugh. After I dropped them to their place, we continued to text and call each other.
By the way, she told me she has a boyfriend and they’re not in good terms anymore. But after a few days, she told me that they’re going to see each other again. That night, I called her and she told me that he and her boyfriend talked and that they are now okay.
Well, I’m not usually like this, but I don’t know what’s happening to me. Is this love? Have I invited love and surrendered to it? Was I struck by a lightning? Is this love at first sight? Or it’s just an infatuation and a funny-corny story?
Kudos! Well explained! 🙂 It’s true that stigma is one of the factors why people don’t seek help.
“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. We will not solve the problems of the world from the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.” -Albert Einstein
Robin Williams didn’t kill himself, stigma killed him. It kills many people like him everyday. Here is how:
STIGMA, that is the reason people do not ask for help. STIGMA is the reason people do not go to the doctor and say I’m depressed, or I’m an addict, or I do not feel things like anyone else. Who wants to say that I feel all these intense emotions? When you know what the result is going to be. What we will do is we will give you medication. We will tell you to change, to just feel…
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“May the Force Be with You.”
A famous line from the movie Star Wars, which may mean that you wish someone well or that you wish them to succeed and be protected from danger. According to the Star Wars movie, the force can enhance natural physical and mental abilities, including strength and accuracy.
In the movie, Obi-Wan explain what this force thing is. He said that “the force is what gives a Jedi his power. It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.”
A famous line from the movie Lord of The Rings, this line was always mentioned by Smeagol or Gollum. He was referring to the ring, which was Sauron’s one ring of power. So how did Smeagol/Gollum have this ring?
To cut the story short, hundreds of years ago when Smeagol was not a Gollum yet, he and his friend went to fishing which they didn’t know that they were fishing at the site where Isildur died. The ring has been there since Isildur’s death. When Deagol falls into the water he spotted something golden into the water then he saw the ring. When Deagol finally bring the ring up, Smeagol murders him for it.
“Live Long and Prosper.”
A famous line from the movie Star Trek, it was used as a greeting of the Vulcan People. It is said with the Vulcan Salute, which is a hand gesture consisting of raised hand, palm forward with the fingers parted between the middle and ring finger.
“Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
A famous line from the movie The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, it was originally made by Confucius.
On my opinion, it’s like no matter where life takes you, you’ll still have that sense of self-awareness, you’re still you. I also think that in life there will be hardship. Wherever you go and whatever you’ll face you’ll still be okay. You’re still underneath everything. Have faith in yourself and think that things will be better.
Your story is inspiring! 🙂 Thanks to you.
“When you feel my heat, look into my eyes.
It’s where my demons hide; it’s where my demons hide.
Don’t get to close, its dark inside.
It’s where my demons hide; it’s where my demons hide.”
This song is recorded by American rock band “Imagine Dragons”. The song has entered the Billboard Top 100 for twelve weeks in the top ten. It has won an iHeartRadio Music Award for Alternative Rock Song of the Year (2014) and MuchMusic Video Award for International Video of the Year (2014). The song is an indie rock ballad while the lyrics portray the protagonist warning the significant other of his/her flaws.
I think this song, for me is one of the best. I have two opinions on this song. My first opinion is that this song is applicable to everybody to some extent. We all have our “demons” inside us. It may be depression, anxiety, drug abuse, jealousy, or any flaws a person have. These demons signify things that bring a person down physically, mentally, and emotionally and at the end of each day we all have our deepest hidden secrets and feelings.
The person in the song is doubtful to open up his/her secrets and feelings. There is a saying that “The eyes are the windows to the soul.” Well, the line “look into my eyes, it’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide”. It was pretty straightforward. Feeling of confused, tortured, or lost are horrible to experience but you know, in this world it is unavoidable to feel those feelings. What only differentiates us is our faith or what keeps us going, and how we deal our demons whether we choose to feed into them or not. There are always two natures at battle in us, and that is good and evil.
On the other side, the song signifies a bad person falling in love with an innocent person and the protagonist in the song has made a mess in his life and for him his life is depressing, and that there is no chance left. Everyone has given up on him and for him there is no one truly good left. Life has been hard for him. He may be good on the outside but he has demons inside. Then maybe the protagonist in the song met this innocent girl. Things have changed for him. He then tried to hide the truth from the innocent person because he wants to shelter her. Or maybe he wants to love her and things like that. But because of his demons inside or the problems he have, he just can’t hide it. Then again, the person felt hopeless and depressed and he thinks he needs to let the innocent person go because he might hurt her. He was trying so bad to escape from his demons and he really don’t know how. But he truly loves her and because of her innocence, the protagonist in the song saw light in her eyes. He saw a chance. He found hope.
Interesting! I will definitely read this book.
Richard Leroy, a wine-maker, takes Etienne through the whole one-year process of creating a good wine from his vineyard in the Loire Valley region of France. Etienne learns first-hand about the fine art of pruning the vines, selecting the right kind of barrels, using the right kind and amount of natural fertilizers, and knowing which grapes to pick – and not pick — at harvest time.
Etienne gets to experience first hand the hard work that goes into making a wine as sweat is in ample supply on these pages. They are visited by an assistant of Robert Parker, the famous American wine critic and taster, who makes the long trip to France to sample several of Richard’s wines.
Etienne introduces Richard to the…
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